If you told me to jump, I would die.

I asked you to let her sleep on the couch.
Be kind, comfort her, but please don't touch her.
I told her how much I loved you, she understood.
I didn't want to strangle you with my love.
I just loved you so much.
You were the one.
I couldn't imagine a life without you in it.
What did I do before you?
If you told me to jump I would die.
I trusted you completely.
That's why I accepted your relationship.
I knew how sweet you could be and I honnestly believed you could help her without losing yourself in her.
Without losing us in her.
People called me naïeve, stupid for trusting you blindly.
How could I be this sure about you?
Trust is a rare thing in a world full of liars.
Things changed between us after that kiss.
You just wanted to comfort her and it somehow happened.
It shouldn't have happened and it will never happen again.
You assured me.
It ment nothing and you were sorry about it.
Again, I trusted you.
Still it didn't feel right, she didn't sleep on the couch but next to you.
That place where I fitted perfectly in your strong arms.
Nothing did happen, it didn't mean a thing.
When she left in the morning or in the nights she didn't have to sleep with you, I took that place.
I took back my place, the place that made me feel comfortable,  right there in your arms.
I trusted you, but somehow our book didn't look untouchable anymore. 
There were drops of salty tears on some pages which made it harder to turn over.
We didn't give up trying.
I smoked too much on the nights that she would be with you, just to keep my nerves calm.
The mornings after seemed normal, so I didn't have to worry.
You would give me that smile,  with what you would say everything's still okay.
No words needed and I could breath again.
We saw each other on a daily basis and you started to get moody and more distant.
We even had some fights about other stuff.
I thought it might be because we were working so hard, we didn't have enough time just for the two of us.
You still came by on monday evening's to open a bottle of wine, it felt good.
Even though everything seemed to change we were still the same.
We would talk for hours, drink wine, smoke, kiss and make love.
These nights felt perfect.
No masks, no secrets just you and me for once.
But at one point you didn't want to stay the night with me.
You'd rather cycle home at 3 am than to sleep next to me.
You said my bed was too small and you needed to be fit in the morning.
I measured my room and it turned out I couldn't have a bigger bed in that tiny room.
But it was okay, just a few months and we would have all the time in the world to sleep together.
We were looking forward to laying in bed, watching series, playing videogames and eating pizza.
It seemed very surreal, but we had our plans.
We would both try to get a job. If we could find one that suited our education we would look if it was possible to start over and move in together.
Otherwise we would find easier jobs and we would travel to Australia together (I prefered the last one).
But things didn't go as planned.
She still slept with you and managed to put you under her spell.
She played you with said stories and her beautiful eyes.
Somehow she managed to get you just where she wanted you.
You lost yourself in her, you lost us in her. Everything fell apart,  all my hopes and dreams just in pieces on the floor.
I still can't believe you gave up on us,  you chose her.
I believed you with everything I got.
Now our book is full of bloodstains from your hands.
Some words are getting harder to read. That blood is mine, I just need some time.
If you told me to jump, I would die.