my own way

You used to be the one who would always stick beside me, the one who might know me better than I knew myself, could you read my mind? you always knew when you went too far or when I really needed your arms around me. You would drive to the other side of the country for me just so I wouldn’t have to feel so alone. You would stand by my door when I came home after two weeks missing you. You would be the one who could comfort me even when I thought the pain was getting too much to handle. You were always there when I needed a friend, when I needed a lover but I was not the only one with issues
you had them too  and I tried to be there for you the best I could but I couldn’t read your mind the way you did with mine. I could see how you felt when you lost the light at the end of the tunnel and no one was there to help you find it back. But when I stood beside you and tried to reach for your hand there was too much space between us, I tried to catch you when you felt, hard on the ground but I was always a step too late, I was suffering myself for you, did everything I could but in the end you couldn’t take it anymore
there was always that moment when it became too much for the both of us.
I couldn’t let you go never, and you knew that.
That’s why you had to break my heart over and over again
and I would fail without you, I would lose my way and do things I shouldn’t have done.
someday I might understand your amazing passion to break my heart over and over again. But that day hasn’t come jet. I will always stick up for you even if I know you’re so wrong
you do things that are just unhealthy and sometimes I even doubt you. Not that I want to or like to but it seems like it’s impossible to stick up for you when you act like that. When you hurt people you care about or I care about not only me.
I can handle a lot but living without you, hating you is just a little too much to ask sometimes. I know I shouldn't ever forgive you for what you’ve done and just forget you ever existed. It shouldn’t be so hard now you’ve abandoned me out of everything but my heart can’t abandon you, can’t forget you and maybe I will forgive you, I shouldn’t but I will. I’ll make this same mistake over and over again and maybe if we’re 80 and we are together again we can laugh about all the times we screwed each other over, laugh about all our discussion we had about nothing special. But for now it’s too soon to say. I have to find my own way.